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 | China Connection
by Tom McGuffey |
Margie and I both pictured walking across the Great Wall. We never anticipated a climb up a demonic Stairmaster on variable height steps with a zero degree wind chill. Just 36 hours earlier we arrived in Beijing at the start of our second adoption trip. Eight-year-old Nora and her brother Alex were at home in Houston with their Grammy and we were spending a couple of days as tourists before traveling to Fuling to meet Fu Xin He, the 11-month-old who would complete our family.
Following a frigid day exploring the Forbidden City and the hutong, or “old city,” of Beijing, we found ourselves 25 or 30 miles north of Beijing staring up at the Great Wall, prepared with six layers of clothing. Packing for our trip was challenging, given that we would visit the same climates as Chicago, Houston and Havana all within a two week timeframe in early February. With five layers not working well the previous day in the 11 degree temperatures as we ironically toured the Summer Palace, we were surely prepared for the potentially high winds on the open wall.
We traversed a gentle slope of newly paved walkways amidst souvenir shops, food stands and forebodingly, a medical clinic. Within minutes we were on steep, irregular steps worn smooth by years of foot traffic, passing red-faced school children, parents and grandparents, many of whom were pausing for breath. A few gentle souls scoot down the steps sliding on their bottoms, too worn out or unbalanced to grasp the 1930s style handrail to clamber down. Within minutes our two outer layers are gone as we trudge upward and get a great aerobic workout.
Forty minutes later we have passed three guard towers and peered down the winding trail of steps with a feeling of accomplishment and anticipation — much as we felt about our growing family at that moment.
When we adopted Nora in 1995 in Wuhan, it was not common for adoption groups to spend a few extra days sightseeing — and as first-time parents we had no patience for such trivialities. But now we savored a couple of days by ourselves, our first vacation alone since February 2002 when we saw a young Chinese family with two girls playing on Silver Strand Beach in San Diego. We began discussing adopting another daughter, as we always pictured our family with two Chinese girls. Our biological surprise, Alex, delayed that vision temporarily, but now we were two days away from meeting our Amy.
We traveled easily from Beijing to Chongqing, a huge, metropolitan city at the confluence of the Yangtze and Jialang rivers, about a 90-minute bus ride from Fuling. While we were thrilled with modern accommodations at a new Hilton Hotel, we were preoccupied with our pending “gotcha day,” where we would meet our new daughter.
We received Amy’s referral in November, along with more medical details than we learned about Nora, and three color pictures. We received only one black and white picture of Nora, no larger than a square inch. Amy beamed a delicious smile in one picture and we wondered whether this was an indication of her personality or a lucky snapshot.
The first group of adoptive parents of girls from the Chongqing Fuling First Social Welfare Institute started a networking group and Web site at www.fulingkids.org. We posted Amy’s picture on the site along with other referrals and immediately noticed the same bouncy seat and stuffed animal as in Amy’s pictures. Few girls were smiling, so we continued to hold out hope that Amy had level of sparkle in her personality.
Upon arriving in Fuling, we wound our way down a narrow street to the SWI, as locals stopped their business to watch us. Yang Peishu, the orphanage director, invited us on a tour of the facility so we expected it would be a bit longer until we met our daughters. But we went straight to a section dedicated to pre-toddlers, packed with about 20 girls, each in rolling walkers and matching pastel outfits. It appeared to be an invasion of cute baby aliens that took us all off guard by their commotion. As they touched us with their wordless pleas, we also saw the loving care and attention they received from four young caregivers overseeing the scene.
Suddenly, from an adjacent doorway, Director Yang called out a baby’s name in Chinese. While we thought there was more “touring” to do, it was actually time to meet our girls. Fu Xin He, soon to be known as Amy Rebecca XinHe, was the second baby brought forward. Amy’s first look at Margie prompted the same huge grin we’d seen in her picture, so we believed that she had a naturally happy disposition, which has been proven true ever since.
Since we were somewhat comfortable as third-time parents, we patiently learned Amy’s capabilities and preferences. She was pleasant and agreeable beyond our expectations and after a few days we established our routines and became a micro-family on a great adventure. We joined our travel group on excursions to a silk factory, the Chongqing City Hall and a quick visit to the zoo — where we dashed in only to see the pandas. Taking in local destinations was to be expected, but our favorite moments came interacting with locals, soaking up day-to-day life as we walked and drove from place to place and getting out into the neighborhoods on our own.
Our most consistently enjoyable times were during meals at local restaurants, with Chongqing offering the most fascinating experiences. Mealtimes were prime settings for meeting local people — both restaurant staff and customers. It seems that everyone in China openly displays affection for children. Since most children learn English in school, we had many family-to-family conversations about everyday life, and especially our babies. Without exception the people we met wished us well, even if it was without successful translation.
For several reasons we encourage adoptive travelers to stay away from the Western style cuisine while in China. First, it is likely to not be comparable to our back-home versions of hamburgers or french fries. Fewer locals dine nearby, cutting down the number of enjoyable conversations and interactions. And lastly, Chinese food is excellent. There’s such a wide variety of dishes in all regions that a little trial and error should turn up a favorite dish or two that can be repeated throughout a trip. For us, we wanted to eat many interesting things.
Chongqing was, until recently, a part of Sichuan province, known for the spiciest of Chinese cuisines. The traditional local method of cooking is known as “hot pot,” which is like a spicy fondue. A circular cutout in a communal table fits a large pot of heavily spiced broth. It is heated to boiling by propane heaters underneath. Meats, vegetables, seafood and even sticky rice is heated in the spicy broth. While most hot pots are pretty spicy, it is not comparable to our jalapeno and cayenne style of spice. Rather, there are layers of multiple flavors — spices, herbs, garlic and peppers — which create a tingling sensation that becomes addictive.
When we got to Guongzhou we felt at home — or at least we were in a comfortable and familiar place. The old-world charm of Shamian Island had not changed, but the number of little shops and street vendors had increased dramatically in eight years. While we waited for our appointment at the U.S. Consulate, we started our days by walking the island with Amy secured in her Baby Bjorn, strolling through the Tai Chi gentry, badminton players, ribbon dancers and even a couple of brave swimmers in the Pearl River.
Knowing that thousands of families pass through the same place, seemingly all staying at the White Swan Hotel, makes for a kinship among singles and couples from all walks of American life. As we simultaneously considered Amy’s toddler-hood and Nora approaching middle school, the importance of providing a connection to their homeland was never more evident. We bought the obvious trinkets and mementos, like nearly all the other families, but we knew that the doors we needed to open for our girls were far more complex.
Despite our two adoption trips, knowledge of Chinese history, and extensive reading of classical and modern Chinese literature, the fact is we’re not Chinese and our daughters are. To pass as much to them as possible, we savored every minute we were in China and share with our girls an appreciation for the everyday life we observed. It is apparent we need to connect our girls to China as often as we can, and hopefully by bringing them back to their birthplaces, to share the wonder that we did when we first met them.
Tom and Margie McGuffey reside in Kingwood, Texas, with their three children — Nora, 9, Alex, 7, and Amy, 20 months. Nora was adopted at 5 months old from Wuhan, China, via Sunny Ridge Family Center and Amy was adopted in February 2004 via Los Ninos International.
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