Tips for Recharging
and Finding Balance
By Denise Rice, LCSW, LAC
The demands of caregiving can be overwhelming, especially if you feel you have little control over the situation or you’re in over your head. If the stress of caregiving is left to build up, it can take a toll on your health, relationships and state of mind — eventually leading to burnout. When you’re burned out, it’s tough to do anything, let alone look after someone else. That’s why making time to rest, relax and recharge isn’t a luxury — it’s a necessity. Read on for tips on how to regain balance in your life.
Caregiver Stress and Burnout:
What you Need to Know
Caring for a loved one can be rewarding, but it also involves many stressors: changes in the family dynamic, household disruption, financial pressure and the added workload. So is it any wonder that caregivers are some of the people most prone to burnout?
Caregiver stress can be particularly damaging, since it is typically a chronic, long-term challenge. You may face years or even decades of caregiving responsibilities. Without adequate help and support, the stress of caregiving leaves you vulnerable to a wide range of physical and emotional problems, ranging from heart disease to depression.
When caregiver stress and burnout puts your own health at risk, it affects your ability to provide care. It hurts both you and the person you’re caring for. The key point is that caregivers need care too. Managing the stress levels in your life is just as important as making sure your family member gets their needs met.
Signs and Symptoms of Caregiver Stress and Burnout
Learning to recognize the signs of caregiver stress and burnout is the first step to dealing with the problem.
Common signs and symptoms of caregiver stress
• Anxiety, depression, irritability.
• Feeling tired and run down.
• Difficulty sleeping.
• Overreacting to minor nuisances.
• New or worsening health problems.
Common signs and symptoms of caregiver burnout
•You have much less energy than you once had.
• It seems like you catch every cold or flu that’s going around.
• You’re constantly exhausted, even after sleeping or taking a break.
• You neglect your own needs, either because you’re too busy or you don’t care anymore.
• Your life revolves around caregiving, but it gives you little satisfaction.
• You have trouble relaxing, even when help is available.
• You’re increasingly impatient and irritable with the person you’re caring for.
• You feel helpless and hopeless.
You cannot effectively meet the needs of others who are depending on you if your battery is running on empty. Your primary responsibility is to you first!
Dealing with Caregiver Stress and Burnout Tip #1: Ask for Help
Taking on all of the responsibilities of caregiving without regular breaks or assistance is a surefire recipe for burnout. Don’t try to do it all alone. Look into respite care. Or enlist friends and family who live near you to run errands or bring a hot meal over so you can take a well-deserved break.
Tips for getting the caregiving help you need
• Speak up. Don’t expect friends and family members to automatically know what you need or how you’re feeling. Be up front about what’s going on with you and those you’re caring for. If you have concerns or thoughts about how to improve the situation, express them — even if you’re unsure how they’ll be received. Get a dialogue going.
• Spread the responsibility. Try to get as many family members, friends and others who can support you involved. Even someone who lives far away can help or offer some kind of support or encouragement.
• Set up a regular check-in. Ask a family member, friend or volunteer from your church or support group to call you on a set basis (every day, weekly or how ever often you think you need it).
• Say “yes” when someone offers assistance. Don’t be shy about accepting help. Let them feel good about supporting you. It’s smart to have a list ready of small tasks that others could easily take care of, such as picking up groceries or driving your loved one to an appointment.
• Be willing to relinquish some control. Delegating is one thing. Trying to control every aspect of care is another. People will be less likely to help if you micro-manage, give orders or insist on doing things your way.
Dealing with Caregiver Stress and Burnout Tip #2: Give yourself a break
As a busy caregiver, leisure time may seem like an impossible luxury. But you owe it to yourself — as well as to the person you’re caring for — to carve it into your schedule. Give yourself permission to rest and to do things that you enjoy on a daily basis. You will be a better caregiver for it.
There’s a difference between being busy and being productive. If you’re not regularly taking time-off to de-stress and recharge your batteries, you’ll end up getting less done in the long run. After a break, you should feel more energetic and focused, so you’ll quickly make up for your relaxation time.
• Set aside a minimum of 30 minutes every day for yourself. Do whatever you enjoy, whether it’s reading, working in the garden, tinkering in your workshop, knitting, playing with the dogs, or watching the game.
• Find ways to pamper yourself. Small luxuries can go a long way in relieving stress and boosting your spirits. Light candles and take a long bath. Ask your hubby for a back rub. Get a manicure. Buy fresh flowers for the house, or do whatever makes you feel special.
• Make yourself laugh. Laughter is an excellent antidote to stress — and a little goes a long way. Read a funny book, watch a comedy, or call a friend who makes you laugh. And whenever you can, try to find the humor in everyday situations.
• Get out of the house. Seek out friends and family to step in with caregiving so you can have some time away from the home.
• Visit with friends and share your feelings. The simple act of expressing what you’re going through can be cathartic. If it’s difficult to leave the house, invite friends over to visit with you over coffee, tea or dinner. It’s important that you interact with others. Sharing your feelings won’t make you a burden to others. In fact, most friends will be flattered that you trust them enough to confide in them, and it will only strengthen your bond.
Dealing with Caregiver Stress and Burnout Tip #3: Practice acceptance
When faced with the role of parenting again, grieving the loss of the identity you had previously or the burden of caregiving for a child with special needs, there’s often a need to make sense of the situation and ask “Why?” But you can spend a tremendous amount of energy dwelling on things you can’t change and for which there are no clear answers. And at the end of the day, you won’t feel any better.
Try to avoid the emotional trap of feeling sorry for yourself or searching for someone to blame. Focus instead on accepting the situation and looking for ways it can help you grow as a person.
• Focus on the things you can control. You can’t wish your daughter’s addiction or mental illness away or force your other family to help out more. Rather than stressing out over things you can’t control, focus on the way you choose to react to problems.
• Find the silver lining. Think about the ways caregiving has made you stronger or how it’s brought you closer to the person you’re taking care of or to other family members. Think about how caregiving allows you to show your love.
• Share your feelings. Expressing what you’re going through can be cathartic, even if there’s nothing you can do to alter the situation. Talk to a friend or therapist about what you’re going through as a family caregiver.
• Avoid tunnel vision. Don’t let caregiving take over your whole life. It’s easier to accept a difficult situation when there are other areas of your life that are rewarding. Invest in things that give you meaning and purpose — whether it’s your family, church, a favorite hobby or your career.
Dealing with Caregiver Stress and Burnout Tip #4: Take Care of Your Health
Think of your body like a car. With the right fuel and proper maintenance, it will run reliably and well. Neglect its upkeep and it will start to give you trouble. Don’t add to the stress of your caregiving situation with avoidable health woes.
• Keep on top of your doctor visits. It’s easy to forget about your own health when you’re busy with a loved one’s care. Don’t skip check-ups or medical appointments. You need to be healthy in order to take good care of your family member.
• Exercise. When you’re stressed and tired, the last thing you feel like doing is exercising. But you’ll feel better afterward. Exercise is a powerful stress reliever and mood enhancer. Aim for a minimum of 30 minutes on most days. When you exercise regularly, you’ll also find it boosts your energy level and helps you fight fatigue.
• Meditate. A daily relaxation or meditation practice can help you relieve stress and boost feelings of joy and well-being. Try yoga, deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation or mindfulness meditation. Even a few minutes in the middle of an overwhelming day can help you feel more centered.
• Eat well. Nourish your body with fresh fruit, vegetables, whole grains, beans, lean protein and healthy fats such as nuts and olive oil. Unlike sugar and caffeine — which provide a quick pick-me-up and an even quicker crash — these foods will fuel you with steady energy.
• Don’t skimp on sleep. Cutting back on time in bed is counterproductive — at least if your goal is to get more done. Most people need more sleep than they think they do (eight hours is the norm). When you get less, your mood, energy, productivity and ability to handle stress will suffer.
Dealing with Caregiver Stress and Burnout Tip #5: Join a Support Group
A caregiver support group is a great way to share your troubles and find people who are going through the same experiences that you are living each day. If you can’t leave the house, many online groups are also available.
In most support groups, you’ll talk about your problems and listen to others talk; you’ll not only get help, but you’ll also be able to help others. Most important, you’ll find out that you’re not alone. You’ll feel better knowing that other people are in the same situation, and their knowledge can be invaluable, especially if they’re caring for someone with the same illness as you are.
REMEMBER: You must put your mask on first before you can offer assistance to anyone else!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Denise Rice, MSW, LCSW, LAC, has been collaborating, training, supporting and partnering with those in child welfare and mental health for more than 18 years. Whether as a local and national trainer/presenter, therapist, consultant, crisis assessment specialist or front line worker, Rice’s mission is to share the message have hope! Honor healing! Practice peace! For any additional information or if interested in having Rice present a training/workshop in your area, contact her at DeniseRice@Hotmail.com. Rice lives in Colorado Springs with her two fur babies.
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