I never thought that the child who was the most challenging in my life - the one who almost drove me to insanity, made me depressed, and unearthed my dark side - would be my greatest teacher. He was the one who showed me how to find inner peace in the deepest turmoil of my life.

Devon was 3 years old when my husband Walter and I adopted him. Each passing year he grew increasingly argumentative, and out of control. Our entire household, which included my eldest son Ryan, and my adopted daughter Jada, all felt captive and trapped in his emotional bondage. We struggled to keep our sanity living in Devon's cesspool of lies, deceit, thievery and complete unrest. There was no peace in our house.

I had been a publicist for CBS and ABC television networks. I was trained to be aggressive, to get publicity for shows and actors in lightning speed at any cost. But with all of my 20 years of experience tracking down information for the national press and the networks, I could not find help for Devon.

Fruitlessly, I dragged my son to 22 different therapists over 11 years. I was determined to get this child "fixed." He was not only driving our family crazy, but his teachers and his classmates as well. Like our children, they couldn't stand him. Devon seemed to relish antagonizing other children, and pitting adults against one another. I was constantly in battles with his teachers over his "crazy lying" - lying with nothing at stake.

We had no clue that he was suffering from reactive attachment disorder. When a child doesn't get his needs met the first few years of his life, he cannot bond with his caretakers. He doesn't trust adults, and is detached from his own feelings.

Deep down he thinks no one cares. Separation from birth parents, emotionally and physically, leaves a RAD child feeling that he will always be abandoned. He protects himself with an emotional shield to keep everyone distant with his difficult behaviors. In extreme cases of this self-survival disorder, a child can become anti-social, and may end up leading a life of crime.

Devon lived in two different foster homes. He was sexually and physically abused, and born with PCP, cocaine and alcohol in his system. But Walt and I fell in love with him at an adoption party. Something spiritually happened. We were galvanized to this child. We weren't naÔve to think that Devon wouldn't be extremely challenging, or life to be easy with him. But we didn't know there wouldn't be resources to help us through the tumultuous years ahead.

Like many families, Walt and I both needed to work, although I ended up quitting my job at ABC since Devon required constant supervision. My occupation was now running to his school, and heeding teachers' desperate calls to take him home because of his unruly behavior.

When Devon reached his teens, he grew violent. I could have saved myself those agonizing years sitting in mental health waiting rooms if I knew then that therapy was built on trust. Devon, like other RAD children, did not trust.

The therapists couldn't figure him out even though they diagnosed him with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, bipolar and oppositional defiant disorder. They didn't know he had reactive attachment disorder, because like me, they didn't know what it was.

Devon manipulated his therapists like he did his teachers. A couple of teachers I loved when Ryan and Jada, both honor students, were in their classes, I would come to loathe when Devon became their student. He brought out the worst in them, as he had done with me. He seemed to enjoy being the ring master in the chaotic three-ring circus he created.

Finally, after years of constantly searching for help - pleading to God and crying myself to sleep - I surrendered after re-reading a book I had for years by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hahn, "The Miracle of Mindfulness." I then became an intense mindfulness student studying with other Zen masters.

The thought of surrendering was unthinkable before. I was constantly locked in power battles and I refused to let Devon win. But now I learned through mindfulness, to live in the moment. I surrendered not to Devon, but to my reactions over his behaviors. I learned to accept what he did because I could not change the past. I saw that my old "knee-jerk reactions" to his antics was only fueling the problem. My anger and hurt was making me sick.

I needed to first take care of myself by finding inner peace - living in the moment. This gave me more energy to continue searching for help, while holding Devon accountable for his actions. The difference now, I was releasing the past and not fearing the future. I became detached from Devon's drama. No longer was I dragged through life like a fallen rider on a runaway horse, clinging to his reins.

I realized that my prayers weren't answered before because I was in God's way. Mindfulness helped me tap into my inner wisdom. I heard it when I observed my thoughts and feelings without judgment or analysis.

Finally I found tranquility through this ancient Buddhist practice of Mindfulness which is not a religion, although it can compliment religions. It's used in pain and cancer clinics throughout the country - by athletes to increase their concentration, and by those, like me, who need relief from suffering.

Mindfulness is a practice which helped me become aware of how I was fixating on Devon's antics and fearing what he was going to do in the future. We often miss life because we live in those dream states instead of in the moment.

Now when Devon did something unacceptable, I became calm watching the inflow and the exhale of my breath, detaching from his drama. Silently I said, "I know I am breathing in. I know I am breathing out." or "Breathing in, Breathing Out." Sometimes I said simply, "In" and "Out." Soon I was in a state of just watching my breathing without commentary, judgment or analysis.

I began to open up to life and experience the wonders of everyday, mundane tasks. I found peace hearing the water run as I showered and washed dishes. I found tranquility brushing my teeth listening to swishing sounds as I gargled. I zeroed in on sounds I never listened to in my home. I heard my feet padding across the floor, the refrigerator humming, the clicking sound turning on a light, the computer switching tasks, the opening and closing of doors, and the boiling water on the stove - all which calmed me.

Standing in the supermarket lines, I listened to carts rolling around me, and the sounds of items being placed on the check-out conveyor belt. While driving, the red lights signaled me to go inside, and focus on my breath while observing my feelings.

I learned to tune in to my emotions as Devon stood before me telling another lie. I observed my breath, and felt my blood pressure start to rise, but experienced it dropping when I became aware. When my kids argued I didn't scream anymore for them to stop. Instead, I calmly mediated the disputes Devon instigated. Over time I realized that it was my thoughts about Devon's actions that made situations worse. Living in the moment helped me to calmly give him consequences without engaging in power struggles.

Soon I noticed I had more energy and patience to deal with all three children, and my fourth child - a new business.

Devon did not change, I changed. I was in control amid the storm and I obeyed directions from my inner wisdom. Eventually, through a series of mishaps, Devon was helped.

Today, he is 20 years old, doing extremely well, with no trace of that terrorizing child who pushed people away, refusing love. Through this journey I found inner peace, and self-love to help me through all life's challenges.

Thank you Devon for being my greatest teacher. a

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Janet Alston Jackson was a publicist for CBS and ABC television networks, and a court appointed special advocate for children. She was in the ministry for four years, and studied with three Zen masters, including Thich Nhat Hahn, nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Jackson, a behavioral consultant, is the co-owner of Self Awareness Trainings with her husband, Walter H. Jackson, author of "Sporting the Right Attitude: Lessons Learned in a Troubled Family." The couple facilitates effective communications and stress management workshops to a variety of audiences including parents, teachers, executives, health care workers, law enforcement and entertainment professionals. For more information contact them at (818) 899-8812 or info@SelfAwarenessTrainings.com.