Feature Articles Becoming Foster Parents -- The Alternative
By Jamie Kendall
It is hard to know exactly when my maternal instinct and desire to have a child began because I knew I always wanted to be a mother. Biologically, this is not in the cards for me due to my disability, which is a tiny obstacle. My husband also shares my disability, Osteogenesis Imperfecta, and between the two of our genetics, coupled with my body structure, which includes small stature and severe scoliosis, we knew we wouldn't biologically have children. However, some people with less severe Osteogenesis Imperfecta do in fact have biological children. After a period of grieving over the fact that I'd never have biological children due to my Osteogenesis Imperfecta, I started to get pragmatic and look at other options for having children in my life. My husband and I have a strong marriage, and we have a lot of love to provide a child - I knew we could be parents in some way. Knowing how badly I wanted children, my husband and I continued what became a two-year-conversation about how to reconcile my strong desire for a child and his trepidation about managing our health, full-time jobs and already full lifestyle. What we settled upon was enrolling in foster parent training class in the city of Alexandria. I came out of the course feeling a bit more anxious about any parenthood, including foster parenthood, and Tim came out feeling more empowered and ready to tackle this new role - so you could say we met in the middle. The bottom line: We were excited, nervous and open to this new experience that we knew would be life changing. Tim and I wondered how our disabilities would impact the process of becoming certified foster parents. Thankfully, the social workers with whom we worked focused on our assets - not our deficits. Our philosophy has always been - hey - we are small, and we use wheelchairs rather than our legs to get around, but we are able to fully provide for a child. We have emotional and financial resources to love and nurture each other and a family, and we'll get so much back in return. We have not been wrong. Our first foster daughter, Claudia, arrived at our home on Nov. 23, 2004. From the moment she walked through the door I was in love with this 7-year-old. Both my and my husband's hearts are completely filled with love for this young girl. She has changed our lives, indeed. What before was filled with time for my husband and me to do things alone or with friends is now filled with bath times, homework, coloring, Jui Jit Tzu, swimming lessons and other child activities. We've had to re-prioritize tasks in order to accommodate having a child, like all parents do, but we wouldn't have it any other way. Foster parenting is different from adoption, as the goal of foster care is to provide a loving and nurturing environment for children until they can return to their biological families. Although Claudia has been with us for several months now, and it is hard to imagine life without her, at some point she'll probably move on to a relative or return to her biological parents, and we are prepared for that to happen. I am reminded that she isn't my "real" daughter while I am mailing some pictures to her dad, or speaking with her about her birth mom or past experiences. Some children are adopted out of the foster care system, and we will perhaps go that route through our journey as foster parents at some point. We live day to day, not knowing how long Claudia will be with us. That is probably one of the hardest things for these children - the uncertainty of things. We remind Claudia often how much we love her and how glad we are that she is with us, and that we hope we will always stay in touch, no matter what comes to pass. Regardless of the future, we hope that the love and life lessons we have encountered together will always be a part of who all three of us are. And right now? Right now, we are loving Claudia and enjoying every day with her - one day at a time. ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Jamie Kendall and Tim Dombro live in Alexandria, Va., and have been married since 2000. Dumbro is a production manager at WETA Television and Kendall is a policy analyst for the Social Security Administration. When they are not working and busy with their foster daughter, they love to travel, read and spend time with family and friends. They both have Type III Osteogenesis Imperfecta, a genetic disorder characterized by short stature and fragile bones. | 
