FFT Special Moving Beyond the Past,
Making a Difference in the Future by Kim Phagan-Hansel  In 2006 FFT featured a story about a young mother, former foster child and American Idol contestant. Kendra Winston was using her voice not only to sing, but to share her experiences in foster care in the hopes that other children would not suffer similar experiences. FFT recently caught up with Winston to find out where her journey has taken her. At age 6 Kendra Winston entered foster care for the first time. Verbally abused and abandoned by her mother, Winston spent the next several years of her life bouncing through 42 different foster placements. A ward of the state, Winston became a mother at age 16 and subsequently lost custody of her son when a placement could not be found for them together. "I hurt for him because he’s been through so much, but he knows he’s loved and I’m proud I’ve given him that," Winston said. The love for her son put Winston on a mission to one day get him back. Working several jobs, Winston emancipated from the foster care system and worked diligently to regain custody of her son. However, the journey was not easy. By the time she was 19, Winston was a mother to three children and married to an abusive man. But her determination to do what is best for her children never wavered. After regaining custody of her son when he was about 2 years old, Winston earned her GED, attended college and competed on season five of American Idol. Though Winston did not make it through the Hollywood round, she has never given up on her dreams or lost sight of her desire to be the best mom to her children. "I know the cycle did break with me and they’ll be there for their kids," Winston said. Today, Winston is remarried and also has a 4-year-old son, Trevor Jr., with her husband. She works as a personal banker and has moved forward with her life in a positive direction. Now known as Kendra Winston-Moore, her older children, 14-year-old Brandon, 12-year-old Brianna and 10-year-old Kayla have grown and prospered under her care. "It’s just been amazing — Trevor has just fit right into the family," Winston said. But despite the positive changes in her life, Winston is never far from her early life experiences. "Because I was a foster child I always have in the back of my mind nothing is guaranteed," Winston-Moore said. "In the back of your mind, you think, ‘if my mom couldn’t be there for me, if she couldn’t love me, how can anybody love me.’" Winston said she lives in constant fear that her husband will leave her, despite his daily assurances. She struggles to be the best mom she can possibly be and worries that she isn’t doing a good job. And as far as the future goes, she is already dreading the day her children will be old enough to be on their own. "My biggest fear in life is that I’m going to mess up my kids," Winston-Moore said. "They are the best things I’ve done in life. I remember it being hard to hug them when they were young because when you grow up without that it’s hard to make yourself get close to someone else. I had to write down to remind myself to hug them and tell them I love them." But like most parents, Winston-Moore does her best. She has worked to provide her children with a normal life filled with love and all the comforts most people take for granted, including a home, food and clothes. "I do my best, I pray and I do my best," Winston said. "They’re honor students, they’re talented and they’re funny." But Winston-Moore isn’t just content to do what’s best for her own children, she wants to help other children as well. On many occasions, she has spoken at conferences across the country and other events about her experiences in foster care, as a teen mother and overcoming adversity. Now, she’s reaching out even further to let other young girls in similar situations know that they are so much more than the situation they’re in. Involved with Girls Inc., the Greensboro YMCA and the department of social services, Winston is spreading her message so others can learn from her experiences. "I didn’t know I was so much more than a beating heart and I wish someone would have done more for me," Winston-Moore said. "I didn’t have a purpose until I had my son. I just don’t want anyone else to feel like they have to have children to find love and purpose." Finding her own purpose hasn’t been easy for Winston-Moore. Counseling and deep soul searching have helped her uncover her own scars and wounds of her childhood. "I am 30 years old and I’m just starting to deal with it because I ran for so long," Winston said. "It’s hard work to change everything you’ve ever known." And while Winston-Moore works through her own issues from her childhood, she passes on a little wisdom and hope for the children now living in foster care. "Be honest and talk about this stuff so you can get it worked through so you can go on with your life," Winston-Moore said. "You can be imprisoned by our emotions and insecurities if we don’t free ourselves. You’re not defined by how the world sees you — it’s how you see yourself." a Feature Articles Why is My Child of All These Meds?  New Law Strengthens Role of Foster Parents in Court Shared laughter between parent and child is an incredibly effective way to cement a new parent/youth relationship and to speed along the bonding of that relationship.
By Pat O'Brien
One of my favorite people in the entire world is Barbara Tremitiere, a well known national expert in the area of special needs adoption and preparing families for what to expect after the kids move in. She has a most interesting quote about bonding. Tremitiere has always said to us that "it is not the adopted older child's job to bond to their new adoptive parents but rather the new adoptive parents' job to prove that they are worth bonding to." . more
By Regina Deihl
Foster parents who spend their days and nights caring for children in foster care often have important information for judges who make decisions about the children's future. Yet, in most states, no one even had to notify caregivers about court hearings related to the children in their care until late 1997 when the Adoption and Safe Families Act was signed into law. ...more
Making the Relationship Work for Children  Foster parents and court appointed special advocates, or CASA and guardian ad litem, or GAL, volunteers have the same focus; the safety and well-being of children who are placed in out-of-home care. Our missions may be different - independent advocacy, as provided by CASA/GAL volunteers, and direct care and nurturing, as provided by foster parents. But our common focus means that, while volunteers and foster parents may not always agree, we serve children best when our relationship is respectful and mutually supportive....more | 
