I believe it is CRUCIAL that adoptive parents address their child’s racial identity. In a recent discussion about race and American society among my fellow graduate students, one student pointed out the fact that he—as a white, American male—has never had to ponder what it meant to be white. When he was in situations where race or color might be of importance, he could choose to look the other way and be unaffected. He could CHOOSE when he wanted to think about his race and when he didn’t. As people of color, transracial adoptees DO NOT have that choice. Race is an ever-present reality in American society and to deny it’s importance and influence on the development of the child’s identity is irresponsible parenting.

 I understand the argument that everything is not a race issue, and I agree. I also understand that prejudicial thinking exists surrounding many aspects of humanity. But to ignore the relevance of race is sort of like ignoring the elephant in the middle of the room. It exists and as much as you try to ignore it, it won’t go away. The reality is, there is racial disparity within the American culture and people will make assumptions and judgments about your adopted child based on the color of their skin, shape of their eyes and texture of their hair. To ignore this fact is to send your child unprotected into a world that requires a certain degree of armor and defense. As difficult and uncomfortable it may be for parents to recognize that your child is not the same as you, imagine the pain you will feel when the child you love comes home crying because they loathe the way they look and cannot understand why they do not feel like they fit in.

 I am not saying it is necessary to tell your child every day that they are different, for I do not believe this is healthy. But remember, as much as you want to pretend that your child is white, they are not. And whether they are willing to acknowledge it or not, everyday, in some way, they are aware of their color. So please, talk with your child about their race and instill pride in their heritage by incorporating aspects of their culture into your family traditions. This will help build the self-esteem of the child--the ultimate tool for successful development.

~Jessica Medinger

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 It is very important to address the adopted child’s racial identity.  The majority of us adoptees have grown up in white communities.  Although, within our families and homes we are seen as a person and not as a skin color, once we step outside of our homes, we are judged by our physical appearances. 
 Some adopted parents have expressed that an adopted child can be taught to be colorblind because their skin color does not define who they are.  Although, this is true, society does not perceive it this way. To be colorblind is ideal and we would hope for a society that is colorblind.  Therefore it seems only natural to want to teach our children to be colorblind. However, it is not the reality of our experiences.

 Allow me to give you my personal account of when I felt frustrated with my Korean face.  When I was in junior high school, I was looking through a teen magazine and reading an article covering how to apply make-up.  I followed the directions and I looked nothing like the pictures in the magazine; I just looked strange.  This was just a small part of the whole picture, when I could not relate to society.  Mass media seems to largely apply to whites and I often felt like I was not part of the picture.  My Korean face felt like a curse.

 Our society is race conscience, full of stereotypes and racial discriminations.  As minorities, we are constantly reminded that we are not part of the mainstream.  Being minorities in America, our skin color becomes part of our identity—a part of our identity, whether positive or negative.  I believe that instead of letting society decide who we are, it’s an issue that should be addressed at home. 

~Ashley Yong-Soo Lewis

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 I feel that it is the parents’ responsibility to assist the child in their quest for ethnic identity, but ultimately it comes down to the child’s readiness to accept their “other” culture.  I also believe that it is the public’s responsibility to help educate the child as well. Unfortunately, when the topic of race or ethnicity pops up, it usually is carefully approached or brushed aside.
 
 I was a product of a white community. I grew up in a small, sheltered, community in the mountains, and I always believed that I was no different from any of my Caucasian friends. However, I tried very hard to be friendly towards as many people as possible, so I could feel popular, sociable, and athletic. Perhaps subconsciously, I was constantly seeking acceptance despite my “difference.” In turn, I often felt that I was not my real self; I was wearing a mask.
 
 Eventually, I left “never-never-land” for college, University of Maryland, with it’s mixture of cultures, races, and fast pace temperaments.  I was properly introduced to the East Coast by being jumped by five unknown assailants.  I could not fathom why these men, who I did not even know, could viciously beat me up. Questions began to run through my frightened mind: Was I just in the wrong place at the wrong time? Did I look at them in a funny way? Or was it because I was Asian? For the next three months, I could not look at anybody in the eye without fear.  In that one day, what little confidence I had, hid away deep inside of me.  Everything that I was taught to believe about others and in myself was shattered.
 
 I could look at my experience and point fingers for not preparing me for racial awareness and conflicts. But, the acceptance of ethnic identity ultimately falls on the individual. My parents fulfilled their responsibilities by trying to inform me of my heritage. They took me back to Korea and also tried taking me to Asian American adoptee functions when I was a child, but I was not ready to accept that part of me. Trying to pressure ethnicity on adoptive children is unhealthy. However, giving the children the opportunity to pursue and embrace their ethnicity is a priceless gift. This search for my racial identity had not concerned me until just recently. Now, I am very proud and at peace with my new found self and am ever so eager to learn more.
 
 The melting pot model was never a reality—not everyone can lose their ethnicity and just “blend in.” Ethnicity is a part of all Americans.  It is everybody’s responsibility to educate the younger generation with skills, attitudes, and knowledge they will need to function within their own culture, the mainstream, and across other ethnic lines.

~Zachary Lee Kukoy

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