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How important is it or has it been to search for birth family information? |
 | During my second trip to Korea in 1991, I decided to search because the program I was going with promised to find my biological parents without any effort on my part. I was 26 years old and the time seemed right to discover my ghost past. I was ready to confront the imaginary with a certain reality. The program ended after two weeks without any result or news about my biological parents. The people doing the search couldn’t trace my birthparents because I did not know my birth date, birthplace or birthparents’ names. Since I was staying in Korea two more weeks, I wanted to try myself. I began in a logical way, starting backwards from the information on my adoption papers to the orphanage. I went to my adoption agency and discovered the name of another orphanage I stayed at that was not in my adoption papers. The agency said there was a reason why we were abandoned and we should not try to find out since it could “disturb” or “disrespect” our birthparents’ decision. Nevertheless, out of my selfishness I wanted to find out, even though the chance of finding my birthparents was almost impossible. At the orphanage I found the date I was abandoned. I went to the city hall of Pusan with that information and found a paper that my “presumed” mother left with me. On that paper was written an apology and my “real” birth date, none of which was included in my adoption papers. This discovery left me with an accurate birth date and knowledge of the place I was abandoned, but still no birth name. To continue my search, a friend helped me air a television announcement. It gave my background information: my mother’s letter and the place I was abandoned. The television announcement gave me an answer. A friend of my birthmother contacted the television station and said that I looked very much like my mother, but there was a three-year difference between the friend’s story and mine. We proceeded by checking the handwriting on the letter against my mother’s and checking whether our blood types were the same. They matched and we decided to meet. When I returned to Belgium, the story was like a miracle and adoptees started to think there was a possibility of finding their birthparents. My search experience led me to establish the Euro-Korean League (EKL) in Brussels. I met many adoptees with various experiences and points of view on search, Korea and self-identity. I returned to Korea in 1993 with the mission of establishing a branch of EKL in Korea—the first group of adult Korean adoptees to exist in Korea. I received more requests from adoptees to help them with their searches. I started helping one, then another and then many more, resulting in more than 500 requests over the last seven years. In the beginning, many requests were from Belgium, then from other European-Korean adoptees, and the United States—especially Minnesota. I learned a lot from my own search, and in helping other people with their searches I discovered many different scenarios and hidden stories. I found it interesting that some adoptees had very specific information, such as a name or photographs, but could not find their birthparents while others, with very little information, were successful. If you are considering searching for your birthparents, I would strongly recommend that you don’t expect too much since there are no guarantees as to whether it will be successful. While someone you know may have had a successful search and a positive reunion, yours could be quite different. You and your birthparents may have very different motives and feelings about a reunion. Before you begin a search it is also important that you know how far you want to go with your search, what depth of information you want to know about your adoption. This could range from only wanting to know your birthplace to finding the orphanage(s) you were in to finding your birthparents. Author’s note: I no longer conduct searches but may provide consulting via e-mail at chomihee@hotmail.com (please do not send attachments). ~Mihee-Nathalie Lemoine _______________________________________________________ |
 | I have never felt any great desire to search for my birthparents, but I have always wondered if I have any siblings. Having three sisters, I always wondered if I might have a brother out there somewhere. But now that I am married and have a child, the thought of searching for a birth relative has become more important. Growing older and wondering what genetic traits might be passed along to my child, or waiting for me in the future, begins to make you wonder.
Two years ago, Holt-Korea found a document with my birthmother’s name. Prior to that, I never knew her first name. The agency has tried to locate her, but the probability is remote because it was so many years ago. There are no homes remaining at the address on the form, and no one has any further information about her. There is no sadness associated with this, just a statement of fact. Even before this information was available, I felt no emotional or psychological bond drawing me to any birth relative. I already have the ingredients in my own family that make me feel comfortable with who I am – I don’t need to meet someone from my past to feel like I am somehow “complete.” I know that I was 20 months old when placed for adoption, so my birthmother tried to raise me, at least for a while. I choose to believe that she gave me an opportunity for life because, for whatever reason or circumstance, she did not feel that she was able to provide for me. If I ever get a chance to meet her or someone else from the family, then great – I’m not one to turn down an opportunity – but if not, it’s no big deal.
Being mixed race, I know that I will always be considered “Yankee” to Koreans, while being considered Asian in America. To Koreans, there rarely is any middle ground, but I am that middle ground that most Koreans don’t want to think about. I think of myself as Korean American–although, admittedly, much more American than Korean. For eight years, my wife and I have led family tours to Korea, and in some ways that has satisfied my personal searching. We have seen six adoptees (ages 16 to 22) meet birth relatives, with mixed results. Whatever circumstances that led the birthparent(s) to place the child for adoption many years ago haven’t always changed. Adoptees have to realize that this isn’t a fantasy life, it is real life. And in real life, not everyone goes home happy. There is a huge build-up to the initial meeting. During the visit your emotions are a roller coaster ride and, depending on the information learned or the feelings and thoughts exchanged, the ending can be as high or as low as the adoptee has ever experienced.
If you are emotionally ready for it, then yes, searching can be an important step in your life. But it is up to each person to decide for himself – it certainly is not for everyone. ~Timothy Holm _______________________________________________________ |
 | Whenever I tell people that I was adopted, they inevitably ask whether or not I have tried to find my “family” in Vietnam. I have always found this a rather awkward question to answer for several reasons, which I will try to outline here.
I have returned to Vietnam twice since I was adopted, and both times I have visited the orphanage from which I came. However, on neither of these occasions have I felt the need to take the exploration of my roots beyond the orphanage. Although I cannot speak for other adoptees, I feel that the search for my biological family would do more harm than good. I believe the main reason for this is that I have been fortunate enough to have very strong ties with my adoptive family. Because of these strong bonds with my brother, mother and stepfather, I don’t feel a lack of family in my life. I also feel that the issues that would arise between my adoptive family, my biological family and me would be more than I would care to address.
In addition, I feel that foreign adoptees face a number of cultural barriers in the search for their “family.” Many of these barriers can cause unforeseen problems and unwanted obligations. I have thoroughly enjoyed learning about all the different aspects of the culture from which I came, and I loved the time I have spent in Vietnam, but I am still a fully integrated American and will never be able to fully grasp the Vietnamese ways. In the end, searching for one’s biological family is a very personal decision. Whether or not I have made the right decision, I have chosen to draw a distinct line in my life in regards to the past. Although many people think that blood is thicker than water, in my case the water is pretty thick. ~Nol Meyer _______________________________________________________ |
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