This topic is most emotional to me. I remember the day well when my father sat me on his lap and drew me a picture of Taiwan and America and two stick figures—the person who brought me over and me—on his yellow grid paper tablet. He told me the story of how I came here to America and that I was adopted. He tried to explain what adoption was and the many theories of why I was given up by my birthmother. He told me that my mother could have been very young and unmarried and that she was unable to care for me, or my family could have been very poor and could not feed me or take care of me. My mother also could have been a prostitute (I didn’t understand what that meant at the time). I remember asking him what a prostitute was and he did his best to explain yet I was still very confused. I am not exactly sure how old I was, probably four or five years of age. I do remember that I listened quietly and attentively. When he was through, I went upstairs to bed. I was numb and confused. I don’t believe my father read into my emotions. I cried myself to sleep for weeks because I didn’t understand how I could have two mothers and why my real mother could give me away. Actually, to this day, I have never really told my parents how I felt about it. I know my father didn’t mean to upset me. I just feel I was too young. I never questioned how I looked different from my brothers and parents. Again, I think I was too young to really think about it. I am glad that my father took the time to tell me, however I wish he had told me when I was older and maybe he could have not given me so many theories, especially the upsetting and sad situations. It’s a little too much for a young child to really comprehend and no child, no matter how old, should feel sad about the situation. In fact, we should feel fortunate and lucky that we are the chosen ones and that we didn’t have to grow up in an orphanage; that we have parents and a real family. I felt like I was a throw-away-child that nobody wanted. I did not feel lucky. How unfortunate that I had such sad emotions. I now realize that I am blessed and grateful and it feels great to know that I do have a family who loves me. ~Lin Shih
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