 | When asked by a casual inquirer, the most important thing I tell them about adoption is that it’s not bad. Adoption may be perceived as a cruel thing to do to a child or a sign of dislike, but really, it’s not. In my case, my birthparents already had another child and I was a twin. There was no way they could have cared for all three of us. My birthfather was in the army and they had no money. They decided to give me up for adoption hoping that I would have an opportunity for a better life. In their minds, and the minds of many parents, adoption was seen as a way to give the child as many chances as possible. This is almost always out of love. My birthparents didn’t know an American family had adopted me, so when I got a chance to meet them they were excited because America is seen as the country of many opportunities. It is sad that I am not with my biological parents, but I’ve come to see how much I have here, and I’m happy. Things change, and the best way to cope with everything is to keep an open mind about it all. I’m in contact with my birthfamily now, and I am lucky to have found them.
When people ask me about my adoption I am, in most cases, very willing to share. I let them know I’m okay with everything. I focus on the positive aspects of adoption and opportunities I have here, rather than the hardships and negatives. It took a long time to fully realize how much I have now, and how much better my life is here. It’s important to reassure people that adoption doesn’t signify a lack of love or caring. It’s most common for me to explain my adoption to people who understand that.
I was a twin, and it was a random choice that selected me for adoption rather than my sister. There was nothing wrong with me; I was just “unlucky” that day. Actually, I was the luckier of the two of us. This gave my American parents a chance to form a family. For those who can’t have children, adoption opens up huge opportunities for them. I hear rumors from people that adoption is dangerous and they would never give up their child because the child might get into the hands of an abusive family. That is rarely the case. The adopting family must go through inspections to make sure the living conditions are acceptable. And, on top of that, there is a cost to bring the child to the U.S. With all this to consider, adopting families are very committed to properly raising the child.
I feel it is important for adoptees to be able to talk with other adoptees. I have been at camps where all the children there were Korean adoptees. In those situations, it is appropriate to ask about each other’s lives. I wouldn’t find it appropriate if someone were to come up to me in the grocery store and ask, “So, why did your parents give you up?” I think that is a rude and very personal thing to ask. But I probably would explain the gratefulness of my parents, and that my life is just as good as any other’s.
Ever since I was little I’ve read books about adoption. They always stated that the point of adoption was to bring home someone new and make a family. I have always been comfortable not looking like my parents. I realize that a family is tied together by love and not by the color of skin. It’s okay to be different; that’s what keeps us all so interesting. Love has no boundaries. Therefore, it goes on forever.
Through my adoption, I was able to bring smiles to faces of people I learned to love — parents and grandparents. They still keep me going strong and I will forever turn to them for help. They have supported me through my adoption, and now I am comfortable talking about it. When people ask me, “Who are your real parents?” I simply respond to them, “The ones I have now.” That surprises a lot of people. They think my birthparents are my real parents because they gave me life. Many people separate my parents now and my biological parents into my “adoptive” and “real” parents. That’s not the way it works. My adoptive parents have given me the life I have now; they have taken me away from a place with no chances and showed me a new world. My biological parents did none of this for me, and that is why I feel so strongly that people should know this difference.
The piece of advice I give to someone younger who is explaining adoption is: expand your way of thinking. Keep an open mind. Whether you are the person explaining, or the person listening, there’s going to be something new to learn. Remember, everyone has their own stories, and adoption just happens to be one of them. We can all be equal; it’s just a matter of seeing that in the same light. ~Suzanne Switzer Suzanne Switzer was 16 when she wrote this article. She was a junior at East High School. Her search for and discovery of her Korean twin and birth family, “A Reunion Revisited,” was featured in the July 2000 issue of Adoption TODAY.
|
