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 | Bringing Nicholas Home
by Donna J. LeBlanc |
The Journey Begins — November 15, 2001
The call came today. The Ukrainian program coordinator from Wide Horizons for Children, called to let us know that we had received permission to travel from the Ukrainian government. We are expected at the Central Ministry for Adoption in Kyyiv the following Wednesday.
Unlike most countries with international adoption programs, families and individuals adopting from the Ukraine do not know anything about the child they will adopt prior to travel. This includes not knowing the child you will be matched with, the region of the country where you will travel, how long you will stay and, in our case, whether we would need to make a second visit in order to bring our child home. Prospective adoptive parents may give general parameters regarding age and gender. We want to adopt a toddler and are open to either a boy or a girl between 18 and 30 months of age.
We Arrive in the Ukraine — November 19, 2001
Arrival in Kyyiv is confusing and leaves us feeling overwhelmed. It becomes evident that few people speak English. The official language of the country is Ukrainian, but Russian is still spoken by most people. We rely on gestures and smiles as our primary means of communication. We expect a guide to meet us at the airport. Instead, we wander through a crowd of people looking for someone holding up a sign with our name on it. Hindered by our limited command of Russian, we are not able to ask anyone for help. Our guide is there, but it takes an hour to locate him in the crowd. After a brief introduction, he announces, in broken English, that we are expected at the Central Ministry for Adoption tomorrow morning.
During these first few days in Kyyiv, I keep thinking back to the travel meeting we attended at Wide Horizons for Children one month prior to our departure. At the meeting we met two families who had adopted children from the Ukraine. They kept using the word trust. “You have to trust your representatives and the process.” Only now was I beginning to understand what those words meant.
Our Trip to the Orphanage is Delayed — November 21, 2001
We wait all morning and part of the afternoon in a dimly lit hall — a hall with doors that keep opening and closing with adoption officials moving from one office to the next. We watch and imagine what is going on inside these offices. There is no semblance of a line to see the director, who is the only person who may grant permission for us to visit an orphanage. At 1 p.m. the director emerges from her office and announces that she will meet with no one else today.
We are devastated by this news. Looking back it seems like a minor stumbling block, but at the time with so much uncertainty, our nerves frayed, and so little in the way of communication regarding the process and next steps it left us questioning our decision to adopt internationally. Trusting the process is proving to be more difficult than we ever imagined.
Another Attempt to Obtain Permission to Visit an Orphanage — November 22, 2001
It is a cold, dreary day and the City of Kyyiv appears to us to still be shrouded in the gray veil of communism. It had been 10 years since the Ukraine separated from the USSR, but the evolution to capitalism appears slow.
We find ourselves at the Central Adoption Ministry again waiting in the hallway for an interview with the director. It is Thanksgiving Day. Finally, the moment arrives. We are ushered into her office. The conversation is in Russian. The translator tells us the director has said there are no young children available. We had been forewarned that she would say these words, but still the words come as a shock. Our meeting lasts all of five minutes. We leave her office and find ourselves back in the hallway. I am on the verge of tears. Our lawyer tells us that there is no need to be upset. He goes on to explain that although there are no young children available for adoption, the director has gone ahead and granted us permission to visit an orphanage. We spend the next two hours looking through books that feature pictures and brief descriptions of children available for adoption.
It is difficult looking at pictures of children awaiting adoption. The pictures, in most cases, are more than two years old. All of these children need families, yet many will not be chosen. When we inquire about a child, we are sometimes told that child is no longer available or that the child suffers from a serious disability or ailment. Again, there is a conversation taking place between our lawyer and the adoption officials and a decision made that we will visit an orphanage (referred to in the Ukraine as a “baby house”) in the city of Kryvyy Rih. We learn that the judge in Kryvyy Rih rarely waves the 30-day waiting period. It is highly unlikely that we will take our child home this trip — this is a major setback for us.
Today is our Thanksgiving.
We Meet our Son — November 23, 2001
We arrive in Kryvyy Rih at 6 a.m. There to greet us at the train station is the lawyer who will represent us, a driver and a translator. We are told that we have an appointment with the director of the orphanage at 9 a.m. At that time we will meet our “son.” This is the first that we have heard about the child selected for us.
We are brought to a two-bedroom apartment located on the seventh floor of a concrete high rise building. The orphanage is within walking distance from the apartment.
Two hours later, we meet the orphanage director. After a short interview with her, a small blond, blue eyed, 26-month-old boy named Oleg is ushered into the office. Once we see him, concerns about possible health problems disappear. He appears to be healthy and energetic.
We are told this is our son if we so choose. We are also told that we must make a decision today. We say nothing, but we have already made up our minds that we want him and our answer is a resounding yes.
Daily Visits to the Orphanage and More Paperwork — November 24-30, 2001
The following week is spent with the help of our lawyer and our translator completing the necessary paperwork to finalize the adoption in the Ukraine. We spend four hours each day at the orphanage with Nicholas (a.k.a. Oleg). On Friday we have a court hearing. We are told not to worry as the judge will rule in our favor. Nevertheless, it is stressful. We keep reminding ourselves to continue to trust the process. The court hearing goes smoothly and the 30-day waiting period begins. We make plans to leave for the United States tomorrow.
We Leave for Home — December 1, 2001
Another gray and windy day with rain threatening. I am depressed because this is the last day that we will see Nicholas. We have learned that the Ukrainian government will be closed until January 14. Our 30-day wait has turned into 45 days due to the Ukrainian holidays.
Nicholas is playful and hungry as usual. We worry that he will forget who we are. I try not to cry as we say goodbye. Nicholas has no idea that we will not come tomorrow to see him.
The Waiting Period — December 2, 2001 to January 10, 2002
Every day we think about Nicholas. We pray for a peaceful world and for no changes or upheavals in the Ukraine. Christmas presents that we bought for Nicholas remain in the closet. Once back to our busy routines, the time goes by quickly. Our first trip to the Ukraine feels like it was a dream.
Our Second Trip Back to the Ukraine — January 11-14, 2002
We begin the long journey back to Kryvyy Rih. To reach our destination we will travel on two planes and two trains over the course of three days.
Reunion — January 14, 2002
We arrive in Kryvyy Rih at 6 a.m. The same support team is there at the train station to greet us. It is good to see them again. Now that the waiting period has ended, the first order of business is to obtain the final court resolution. Then we will go to the orphanage to see Nicholas.
We find Nicholas outside with the other children in his group. He is dressed in a big fur coat. He sees us and teeters toward us with open arms. It is like a scene from a movie. The tears flow once we see with our own eyes that he is alive and well.
Physical Custody — January 15, 2002
Today, we must go to the city of Dnipropetrovsk, where Nicholas was born, two hours to the north and east to obtain a new birth certificate. It takes most of the day to obtain this document as well as the paperwork we need for his passport.
We are taking custody of Nicholas today. We arrive at the orphanage at four o’clock with new clothes for him to wear and gifts for his caretakers. We go to Nicholas’ group room and quickly change him into his new clothes. A few pictures, many thank yous and then good byes . . . good-bye to the “baby house” and to this chapter of Nicholas’ life.
Goodbye to Kryvyy Rih — January 16, 2002
Today we leave Kryvyy Rih perhaps never to return. Again, mixed feelings. In the short time we have spent in this city we have come to admire the people and their way of life. At the same time we desperately want to go home.
Our support team is there to see us off — more goodbyes. It is Eastern European tradition to take a minute to sit quietly with those seeing you off. A moment of silence, then we embrace. They wish us good health and a good life. It is hard to leave the people who brought us together as a family. We are not likely to see each other again. This reality seems harsh, but is softened by feelings of gratitude, love and the bonds of a shared endeavor that neither distance nor time will diminish.
Two Days in Kyyiv — January 14-19, 2002
We are back in Kyyiv obtaining the necessary documents that will allow us to take Nicholas to the United States. We are impressed by how well our lawyer and translator are able to expedite the process. An appointment is made for us to be at the U.S. Embassy in Warsaw the following Tuesday.
Nicholas is testing us. There is more crying and temper tantrums. He is beginning to regulate his eating, but still seems constantly hungry. He is fighting bed-time and is quite unhappy when we confine him to a baby backpack that we use to carry him during our daily outings. He is struggling to figure out the rules of this new existence.
Warsaw, Poland —
January 17-25, 2002
The last step in our journey home is to obtain approval from the U.S. Embassy in Warsaw. The weekend is spent walking through the city. It is unseasonably warm so we are able to visit museums as well as the old city.
Nicholas is reasonably cooperative and the time goes by quickly. On Tuesday we find a long line outside the U.S. Embassy. As American citizens we do not have to wait. Instead, we enter the Embassy through a separate door. We meet several other adoptive parents from the Ukraine and swap stories. It is comforting to communicate with others in English.
The remainder of the week is spent on daily sightseeing trips within walking distance of our hotel.
The Journey Home — January 26, 2002
Traveling with a toddler is proving to be a challenge. There are long waits in security lines at the airport in Warsaw and again in Amsterdam. Nicholas does not want to wear a seat belt and cries loudly for most of the flight. Our efforts to interest him in toys and food falls short and during our long layover in Amsterdam he constantly runs away from us to explore people and things.
We arrive in Boston late Saturday afternoon. We asked family and friends to stay home given the uncertainties of on-time arrival and the fact that we are exhausted. Nevertheless, it is a happy moment as the U.S. customs official reviews our paperwork and announces that Nicholas is a U.S. citizen. We have accomplished something that seemed impossible two months ago. In spite of the uncertainties inherent to the Ukrainian adoption process, it has been a profound experience for us and one that we would do again.
Donna LeBlanc and her partner, Bernard Antkowiak, traveled to the Ukraine in November 2001 and again in January 2002 to adopt their son, Nicholas. Donna continues to work as an organizational consultant specializing in the design, development and delivery of corporate education programs. Donna, Bernie and Nicholas live in Sutton, Mass.
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