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 | Passage to Parenthood - Finding Our Son, Alexander, in Ukraine
by Stephanie Crail |
He is asleep in the next room as I begin to write. I just put our 25-month-old son to bed after reading his favorite books and saying our prayers. What he doesn’t know is that while I wait for him to drift off to sleep, I continue our prayer. The prayer is always the same — one of deep and heartfelt thankfulness for giving us our son. I am amazed at how blessed our lives have been and continue to be as a family.
What was almost two years ago seems in one sense like a lifetime ago and in other ways like yesterday. We adopted our son from Odessa, Ukraine in March of 2001. We were referred to Hemlata Momaya of Bal Jagat – Children’s World Adoption Agency from friends who had a positive experience working with the agency. Meeting with Hemlata was one of those unique moments in life when you just know that everything is right and good. Bal Jagat was the only agency we looked into because we felt confident that we would be in good hands. Our intuitions proved accurate based on our overwhelmingly positive adoption experience.
Our entire adoption process took seven months from the time we submitted an application with Bal Jagat to traveling to adopt our son. Once our dossier was sent to Ukraine we began the difficult waiting process. Our wait was unusually short and my husband was out of the country when we received notice that we could travel. That was the hardest moment of my life. I was so excited to share the news with my husband, yet he was climbing a mountain in South America! He said that he would be able to call me only once during his climb. Amazingly, he phoned just one hour after I received the call and I was able to give him the exciting news.
We flew to Kyyiv and were met at the airport by a translator and a driver. A couple from Indiana would share our adoption journey. We were relieved to travel with them and knew that we would become lifelong friends. We stayed in Kyyiv for one night and met with the adoption center director the following day. From Kyyiv we took an all night train ride to Odessa, a port city on the Black Sea. We went straight to the baby house and were met by our Odessa translator. We stood for a few moments in the waiting room and were then asked to meet with the baby house director in her office.
All of this happened very fast and I hardly had time to get nervous, although my heart was beating faster than normal. We shared niceties with the director and then our son was brought into the room and placed onto my lap. That moment was so surreal and felt almost like an out-of-body experience. I had imagined that I would cry and be very emotional upon meeting our child. Amazingly I didn’t cry and instead listened intently to his medical reports. My head had definitely overtaken my heart. I was concerned with getting all of the facts straight before I gave in to the overwhelming joy that was just waiting to explode. After our meeting with the director we accepted our son and walked out of the office into a hallway. This was the first time that my husband and I had been alone since arriving in Kyyiv 72 hours and little sleep earlier. We stopped in the dark hall and hugged with our son pressed between us. Our tears flowed down our faces, showering our son with love and happiness.
We spent the next seven days visiting our son at the baby house while our paperwork was being completed. We stayed with the couple from Indiana in an apartment minutes from the baby house. A family moved out of their home to accommodate our stay. All of our meals were prepared by the family’s wife and the husband drove us everywhere in his van. We were well taken care of and felt completely safe during our stay in Odessa.
The baby house was incredibly clean and orderly. This being our first time in an orphanage, we weren’t sure what to expect. There were two caregivers in our son’s room for about 10 to 12 babies. The caregivers were patient and gentle with the children. Our son didn’t show any signs of abuse or neglect. He was very stiff when we first held him due to lack of exercise. In just a few days he was completely flexible. It’s amazing how kisses, touches, laughter and love can make a child blossom. By the third day he was able to recognize us. To this day my heart melts to think of his little face lighting up upon seeing us waiting for him.
On our eighth day in Odessa we went to the district where he was born and received his birth certificate with our names listed as his parents. A little ceremony was performed and we began to feel some finality to the process. The next afternoon we took our son from the baby house and went to the train station. It was a sad goodbye to our Odessa interpreter who established a special bond with our son. As she stood on the platform she placed her palm upon the train window. The train started to pull away and I placed our son’s hand over hers as we said goodbye through our tears. We regularly e-mail each other and share photographs. Meeting her was an extra gift we didn’t expect to receive during our adoption.
The train ride back to Kyyiv was a little scary being that we were brand new parents on a train for 11 hours with our child with whom we hadn’t spent more than two hours previously. Our son slept the entire trip while we stayed awake, gazing at him as new parents do.
Our day in Kyyiv was rushed, as we had to meet with a doctor, buy airline tickets for Warsaw, and go to the U.S. consulate. The Kyyiv translator and driver were very efficient and moved us along without a hitch. They got us to the airport in time for our flight and walked us to the last checkpoint, as far as they could go. It was yet another sad goodbye as we waved farewell to two people so instrumental to our adoption’s success.
We spent two nights in Warsaw where we obtained our son’s visa from the embassy. From Warsaw we began the long journey home. I can still feel how anxious and excited I was to meet our family at the airport. In a moment I got completely lost in our emotional reunion and eventually looked up to see the many happy faces of curious onlookers — if they only knew the incredible story behind the little bundle in my arms. The rest of our story is much like every other family with a new child. There is a lot of laughter, tears, joy and frustration as we work hard at doing our best as parents. Our Ukraine experience is long gone but will never be any less significant when remembering how we became a family.
Stephanie Crail is a wife, mother and part-time elementary school teacher. After completing their adoption from Ukraine in March 2001, Stephanie became active with Bal Jagat – Children’s World Adoption Agency. She is on the board of directors and has been published numerous times in the agency’s quarterly magazine.
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