|
| Adoption Resources |
|
Advertisers |
|
| Back to Vietnam Home Page
| |
 | Our Vietnam Adoption Journey
by Mark Osburn |
I couldn’t believe that it had finally happened! But on Jan. 17, 2002 at an orphanage in Danang, Vietnam, I was holding my soon-to-be daughter Savannah for the first time. Not being an emotional person by nature, I nearly cried as my wife Jennifer softly whispered to her, “I’m your mommy.” Our daughter was so tiny and fragile. There were sores on her head from numerous mosquito bites. There was a rash on her neck from either the heat or bottle formula. Her eyes appeared to radiate intelligence and an indomitable spirit. Jennifer and I shared both our observations and joy. We talked about how hard it was to leave her for the night.
The journey to Vietnam began on Jan. 15 when, after many anxious months of praying, hoping and anticipating, we were on our way to Vietnam to adopt Savannah. We said a family prayer before leaving for the airport. Jennifer and I flew out of Columbus, Ohio, and had a layover in Cleveland. During the layover, we met the other couple we would travel with. We found out that they lived a few hours away from our home in Logan. They were also adopting a daughter, Katie. Coincidentally, she was in the bassinet next to Savannah for a short time at the orphanage.
We had planned to eat at the Los Angeles airport. However, security measures were so stringent in light of the recent terrorist incidents, not only did we not have time to eat, but we barely made it to the gate on time. You would have thought a four-hour layover would leave a person plenty of time. From Los Angeles, we flew into Taipei, Taiwan. From Taipei, we flew into Hanoi. Our facilitator met us in Hanoi and greeted us with the news that we would fly to Danang to meet our daughters that night. The news was both exciting and terrifying.
In Hanoi, we checked into a hotel to clean up and go on a quick tour. The highlight came while we were listening to some performers play some local favorites. The music was enjoyable, then they pulled Jennifer from the audience, placed a conical hat on her head, and pulled her to the stage to join them in a dance. I faithfully recorded the event. Our tour of Hanoi was all too brief. Due to our failure to eat in Los Angeles, we chose to have lunch rather than tour the infamous “Hanoi Hilton.” I was anxious to see it since I am somewhat of a history buff. We had serious business to attend to and were not primarily in Vietnam to be tourists. We rushed to the airport for our flight to Danang.
It was dark when we arrived in Danang, but we immediately visited the orphanage instead of checking into our hotel. We were exhausted, but still had plenty of energy to see and hold our daughters for the first time. The husbands manned he video cameras, since it was an unspoken rule that the women would hold the babies first.
It was difficult to leave our daughter that night after seeing her for the first time, but we knew that she would become ours for good the next day. The following morning began with another trip to the orphanage. The caregivers cried and changed our daughter into a new outfit and gave us her bottle. Jennifer and I said we had expected a brief “class” in feeding and sleeping habits, but it was not to be. We would be forced to wing it. I often referred to this experience as “baby boot camp.” I was plagued with so many questions. What could I have done to be better prepared? Should I have read more child care books? Will I be a good father? Will my instincts and intuition kick in? What if I simply do not possess that “parental instinct?” What business do I have adopting a child when I have never even changed a diaper? Will our daughter like me? What will I do about it if she doesn’t? Why is there no checklist for parenthood preparation? What about a certification course?
After leaving the orphanage, we were taken to the Danang Department of Justice for the Giving and Receiving Ceremony. The Vietnamese officials kindly provided us with bottled water and fresh fruit. With the help from our translator, the paperwork went rather quickly. We took several pictures and returned to our hotel. Savannah had her first and brief crying episode in the car.
Our time in Danang included a side trip to Hoi An. One guidebook I read warned that the approach to Hoi An could be somewhat disappointing. Personally, I did not find that to be the case at all. I enjoyed the experience immensely. We had a wonderful time shopping for souvenirs, and the atmosphere was much less intimidating than the more crowded streets and marketplaces of Hanoi or Ho Chi Minh City. There we had our first cyclo ride and shopping excursion.
The exchange rate was a pleasant surprise as we learned that $1 U.S. was worth 15,000 dong. We purchased some souvenirs and discovered that we really like Vietnamese food. The rice, noodles, spring rolls and seafood were the best I have had anywhere. On our return trip from Hoi An, we witnessed the after effects of a tragic traffic accident. We later learned that an American staying at our hotel had been killed on a tour while riding a bicycle. I resolved never to drive in Vietnam. I would be too intimidated to operate a car, moped or bicycle. Just functioning as a pedestrian is frightening enough.
We stayed in Danang for three days, and I enjoyed a leisurely and solitary stroll along China Beach on the final night. The crashing of the waves beckoned me for one last look and listen. The placid sea made me sorry to leave our hotel. We would have gladly spent the duration of our stay there. There were many fishermen and women hard at work with their nets. The experience was therapeutic and helped me unwind. The beach was beautiful and the sunset was gorgeous. I hope we can return to Danang with our daughter someday to explore the Marble Mountains and work in all of the activities we missed.
The next day, we flew to Ho Chi Minh City. We were up at 5 a.m. It did not occur to us to seek assistance from the hotel employees and foolishly carried all of our luggage downstairs in one trip. Our inexperience as parents was bountifully obvious. As we got off of the elevator, several employees rushed over to assist us and said they would have been happy to come to our room and carry it for us. Savannah was well behaved on the flight from Danang to Ho Chi Minh City.
As we arrived in Ho Chi Minh City we experienced traffic on an entirely different level. There are few traffic laws, and even these receive only a halfhearted acknowledgement from the residents. Crossing the street was an extreme exercise in survival. We had been warned to cross the street by not hesitating. If you cross with purpose, those on the mopeds are able to anticipate your actions and adjust accordingly. It is those who cross with fear and reluctance who end up getting hurt. I vowed never to complain about traffic again.
There is abundant evidence of both poverty and affluence in Ho Chi Minh City. Our translator told us that many of the downtown residents rent out their living rooms to stores for the money and live in the back of their homes. We Americans do not fully appreciate how fortunate we are. Even the poorest Americans are perceived as rich by the Vietnamese people.
Our meeting with the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services official proved to be somewhat intimidating; despite being told the interview was merely a formality. He informed us that we should have brought along a copy of our latest homestudy update assessing our emotional stability, financial competence and fitness to parent a child. Our homestudy had been superior, and we were told we would not need it for the interview. In addition, he questioned how recently we had been fingerprinted and cleared by the FBI.
After returning to the hotel in a downtrodden mood, we immediately sent back a copy of our homestudy update and awaited word with stomachs churning and prayers upon our lips. Fortunately, our agency intervened and faxed a letter indicating that we had already received U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services’ approval. They pointed out that it was effective for 18 months and superceded all other requirements. The issue was resolved at once.
In the orphanage, all of Savannah’s caregivers had been women with dark hair. Since Jennifer fit the profile, it was natural for our daughter to bond with her first. I did not take it personally. Savannah liked playing with me and seemed to enjoy my kisses. However, when it came to feeding, changing her diaper or bathing, she wanted nothing to do with me. All of these duties fell to Jennifer. When Savannah cried and became upset, I was not permitted to be anywhere in sight. It was as if in a moment of emotional turmoil, our daughter simply forgot who I was. It was during one of these episodes that Jennifer became frustrated and shouted, “Get over here and help me, but don’t let her see you!”
“How should I do that?” I asked.
She didn’t have an answer, but we did discover that if we simply turned on the water at the faucet, the method would virtually without exception stop a crying fit. It sure beat trying to help your wife calm a screaming infant without the baby seeing you. Try it some time!
In light of our meeting with the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services official, I approached our interview at the U.S. Consulate with a moderate degree of fear and trepidation. As it turned out, my fears were totally unwarranted. The lady we met was pleasant and delightful. She offered her congratulations and told us that she could issue the visa on that day. We were rather shocked. We had assumed that we would have to wait several days. Our translator asked us if we would like to fly home four days early.
We were enjoying our stay in Vietnam immensely, and had been looking forward to cruising the Mekong Delta and exploring the tunnels. However, we were also anxious to return home and show off our daughter. We had many friends and relatives who could not wait to meet her. An additional concern for us was the terrorist incidents that had been taking place throughout the previous few months. We were afraid that another threat or incident of some kind would cause the officials to shut everything down and keep us in the country. We elected to fly out the following morning.
Later that day, Savannah allowed me to feed her for the first time. I was ecstatic that we were finally bonding in a meaningful way. Allowing me to finally feed her was a basic and fundamental task that had to count for something. She still wanted nothing to do with me during a crying fit.
The next morning, our translator dropped us off at the airport. We had relied on him for so much, and now we would have to find out how to check in and board the plane without his assistance. We joked about letting Saigons be bygones, and having successfully endured baby boot camp.
We all promised to try to get together again someday. We ried our best to express how much his help and assistance meant to us. Hugs, gratitude and tears abounded as we said goodbye. None of us knew how we would have managed without his support and translations.
The flight home was not the nightmare we feared it would be. We had heard horror stories from other adoptive couples about the children screaming inconsolably the entire flight. We adults probably whined more about all the travel than the babies. Our daughter had two minor crying fits from Taipei to Los Angeles, but did far better than I ever dared to hope.
We had a 10-hour layover once we arrived in Los Angeles. We thought it would be wise to get a hotel room rather than try to entertain a baby at the airport for hours. The respite of a shower, shave and nap were greatly appreciated. As we were checking out, we noticed yellow police tape across the front door. The desk clerk informed us that they had been robbed at gunpoint only minutes before. I had made several trips to the lobby to buy food and browse the gift shop. How scary to think that we had gone through so much and traveled so far, only to risk being shot in a robbery when we were so close to home. We felt much safer on the streets of Vietnam than in Los Angeles.
As we arrived in Columbus, we were met by my parents. We focused on looking like proud new parents, rather than refugees from “Night of the Living Dead.” In Vietnam, we had been 100 percent of our daughter’s entertainment committee. Now we would have help from family and friends. God has granted us a wonderful blessing and huge responsibility. We are humbled that one so special can return our love.
Mark Osburn has a bachelor’s in psychology and is currently pursuing a master’s in human resources from Devry University. He has spent the last 12 years as a human resources director and business owner of a manufacturing business and real estate leasing company. Osburn and his wife Jennifer adopted Savannah from Vietnam in 2002. The couple adopted another daughter, Sydney, from China last year. Sydney is now 17 months old. The family lives in Largo, Fla.
|
Back to Vietnam Home Page |
| |
|
